Defining Rules: Parenting Advice

Boy in Spain

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Wisdom is meant to be common. Logic is to be expected. You are governed by careful thoughts, with all impulses tamed to experience. There are rules that must be followed — and you strive always to uphold them, knowing that they create order for an all too hectic world.

Your child doesn’t share this sensibility, however. He is instead baffled by it, can’t comprehend why you devote so much of yourself to regulations… or why you assumed he would do the same.

It is an easy mistake for parents to think that their children are capable of good reasoning. This is a skill that is developed over time — and yet it’s too often believed to be natural. It’s not. Individuals must understand therefore that youths need explanations for every rule that is created.

The laws of a household must be clearly defined. Children require structure — but, more importantly, they require clarity. All rules must be detailed. Their causes and effects must be outlined in ways that can be easily understood. This is the only way to make them relevant, ensuring that they’re adhered to. Choosing to simply demand obedience without offering why will result in confusion and possibly rebellion.

Parents must therefore chart out every rule. They must cite the need for order and be certain that need is recognized. Communication is essential and correlations must be created. This will allow obedience to be achieved with ease, rather than requiring constant punishment.

Your child doesn’t process information the way you do. You must therefore offer explanations that are simple, straightforward and can’t be undone by young logic.

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Filed Under: Child Development, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Positive Praise: The Need for Consistency

Child 1

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Time is the villain of your storybook existence. It moves too swiftly, demanding all of your attention, stealing precious hours. There are never enough seconds to do what you must, and the result is a schedule that is frantic on the best of days. Too often does this leave you unable to maintain the goals you’ve created. Moments can’t remain suspended and you must rush after them, ignoring what is not essential.

Positive reinforcement suffers from that definition — and all of the efforts you’ve offered to conditioning suddenly disappear.

The notion of positive reinforcement is one many parents are familiar with. Its foundations are shaped to rewards and happy consequences, allowing children to make connections between morality and the smiles it can bring. Too often is it considered to be a simple process — with families certain that occasional rewards will be enough to satisfy its requirements.

This is incorrect.

The purpose of this system is to establish the value of good behavior. Accomplishing that requires time, with children conditioned slowly over an excess of months. Consistency is therefore needed; and individuals who lack the ability to offer that will not see results.

It’s essential therefore that parents devote the necessary minutes each day to positive reinforcement. They must be constant in their rewards, ensuring that the connections are solidified. A routine must be established… and maintained. Refusing to do this will only cause erratic behavior and low retention levels. Children will simply not understand what’s expected of them.

Positivity isn’t an easy task. It must instead be offered dedication — with time utilized wisely and consistently.

 

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Punishment and Promises: Discipline

toddler

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It was meant to be an empty gesture: a punishment was promised, its consequences severe. You assumed it would be enough to maintain good behavior, to keep your child from disobeying the rules he so despised. No discipline would be required. Of this you were certain.

That certainty has shattered, however — because your son has defied you yet again, has refused to heed the warnings you have given. And you now find yourself in the lamentable position of choosing to ignore your threat or make it a reality.

That choice is already cemented, though: you must offer the punishment and accept the tears that will follow.

Too often do parents think that hinting dire consequences will be enough to dissuade their children. And too often do those same parents realize that youths aren’t impressed by words. Actions are instead required — and this can prove to be difficult. Maintaining the promised punishments is more than many individuals may wish to do. They prefer to offer kisses, not scolds. It must be understood, however, that discipline only works when it’s enforced. No lessons are otherwise learned.

It’s essential therefore that all parents — including you — make every penalty real. This is the only way children will gain the necessary comprehension of cause and effect. Choosing to only mere warnings won’t gain results. Instead sons and daughters will assume that there are no limits for their behavior. They will then simply push at every rule.

And this will be disastrous.

You must be willing therefore to do what is needed… even as it may summon tantrums, shrieks and pleading.

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Avoiding Anger: Discipline Advice

A scream was all too easy. It burst out of you, the sound cobbled together from the many stresses of the day. All of the little frustrations had gathered in your throat and they had to spill out. They simply required a catalyst.

Your child provided one.

He had disobeyed the rules (again). He had refused to do as you instructed. And the result was your anger, the sudden break of all patience. You unleashed a furious tirade, channeling the displeasure of your career, your finances and more into one single shout. It felt good… until you realized the aftermath was your son’s shock.

Discipline is essential within families. There must be consequences for actions; there must be punishments for crimes (however meager). This is necessary to establish morals and ensure that children learn the difference between right and wrong.

Choosing to discipline youths while you are angry, however, is as counter-productive as it is cruel.

The intention of enforcing rules is to make distinctions between good behavior and bad decisions. All causes have effects — and this must be taught to children. When you are upset, however, you lose the ability to offer logic. You instead become emotional, offering shrieks instead of reasons. This does not work. Instead it only frightens adolescents. They assume that they are the source of all problems and will then suffer from broken egos.

It’s imperative therefore that you tailor discipline to sense. All conversations should be calm and eloquent, offering explanations rather than screams. This will allow children to understand the reasons for your displeasure instead of believing that they’ve somehow become the origins of every single concern.

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Filed Under: Child Development, Discipline Tagged With: , ,