Child Development | Family Matters

Defining Rules: Parenting Advice

Wisdom is meant to be common. Logic is to be expected. You are governed by careful thoughts, with all impulses tamed to experience. There are rules that must be followed — and you strive always to uphold them, knowing that they create order for an all too hectic world.

Your child doesn’t share this sensibility, however. He is instead baffled by it, can’t comprehend why you devote so much of yourself to regulations… or why you assumed he would do the same.

It is an easy mistake for parents to think that their children are capable of good reasoning. This is a skill that is developed over time — and yet it’s too often believed to be natural. It’s not. Individuals must understand therefore that youths need explanations for every rule that is created.

The laws of a household must be clearly defined. Children require structure — but, more importantly, they require clarity. All rules must be detailed. Their causes and effects must be outlined in ways that can be easily understood. This is the only way to make them relevant, ensuring that they’re adhered to. Choosing to simply demand obedience without offering why will result in confusion and possibly rebellion.

Parents must therefore chart out every rule. They must cite the need for order and be certain that need is recognized. Communication is essential and correlations must be created. This will allow obedience to be achieved with ease, rather than requiring constant punishment.

Your child doesn’t process information the way you do. You must therefore offer explanations that are simple, straightforward and can’t be undone by young logic.

Filed Under: Child Development, Parenting Tagged With: Child, Family, Parent

3 Halloween Family Traditions

Halloween is a fun time of the year! Many families really get into decorating, finding the right costume, and just having a lot of fun. For many families, Halloween is also a time for traditions. If you have years of established traditions, or if you are just starting your family holiday traditions, take a look at these three fun Halloween family traditions.

1. Costumes. Of course, costumes are among the awesome traditions surrounding Halloween. Whether you dress up as a family or just focus on the kids costumes, you’re bound to have a great time being creative and thinking of the coolest costume on the block.

2. Decorating. Another great tradition for many families is decorating for the season. For some, the decorating starts in September! Many families like to decorate the outside of the house, as well as the inside. If yours is a family that loves Halloween, the decorating is a must-have tradition. Go all out by putting fake spider webs and witches hats all over the house or even decorate the front yard with gravestones and noise makers.

3. Food. All holidays revolve around food, and Halloween is no different. Food is a great way to create new and exciting traditions. For a new tradition, try a Halloween-themed breakfast. Dinner is also a great time to get some “spooky” food. You could try mummy hotdogs or spider cookies.

Halloween is a great time to start – and keep – family traditions. What traditions will your family being this year? There are so many to choose from!

Filed Under: Child Development, Discipline

Creating Unique Techniques: Discipline

Image via Wikipedia

Your child is unique. There is no simpler truth, no easier admission. He is defined to happy (and occasionally bewildering) impulses, is guided by thoughts you can’t always understand. He is an individual — and you try always to maintain this, to offer him the necessary confidence to remain who he wishes to be.

There are times, however, when he may wish to be someone who disobeys you: committing peculiar offenses and ignoring the consequences. He forgets that rules are meant to be followed — and that you must then punish him.

Choosing the right kind of punishment, though, is vital.

Parents must understand their children: noting all passions and dislikes, the favored hobbies. Each youth is one of a kind, and they must all be treated as such — even in the penalties they earn.

All consequences must be tailored to the individual. Children must receive warnings that reflect who they are and what they most adore. This is the only way to provide relevancy. Standard threats (time-outs, a lack of dessert and similar options) may not have any influence. Choosing to take away a favored toy or refusing to give permission for a play-date may instead cause panic, however.

And this is what allows punishments to be understood. The intention of discipline is to create correlations between inappropriate behaviors and their poor effects. Allowing the consequences to be basic, though, will often undermine the process. Each penalty must have importance. This is the only way success can be achieved.

Your child is unlike any other. His punishment therefore must be the same.

Filed Under: Child Development, Discipline Tagged With: Child, Child discipline, Punishment

Positive Praise: The Need for Consistency

Image by Tony Tr?n via Flickr

Time is the villain of your storybook existence. It moves too swiftly, demanding all of your attention, stealing precious hours. There are never enough seconds to do what you must, and the result is a schedule that is frantic on the best of days. Too often does this leave you unable to maintain the goals you’ve created. Moments can’t remain suspended and you must rush after them, ignoring what is not essential.

Positive reinforcement suffers from that definition — and all of the efforts you’ve offered to conditioning suddenly disappear.

The notion of positive reinforcement is one many parents are familiar with. Its foundations are shaped to rewards and happy consequences, allowing children to make connections between morality and the smiles it can bring. Too often is it considered to be a simple process — with families certain that occasional rewards will be enough to satisfy its requirements.

This is incorrect.

The purpose of this system is to establish the value of good behavior. Accomplishing that requires time, with children conditioned slowly over an excess of months. Consistency is therefore needed; and individuals who lack the ability to offer that will not see results.

It’s essential therefore that parents devote the necessary minutes each day to positive reinforcement. They must be constant in their rewards, ensuring that the connections are solidified. A routine must be established… and maintained. Refusing to do this will only cause erratic behavior and low retention levels. Children will simply not understand what’s expected of them.

Positivity isn’t an easy task. It must instead be offered dedication — with time utilized wisely and consistently.

Filed Under: Child Development, Parenting Tagged With: Child, Parent, Reinforcement

Kanani: The American Doll of 2011

Image via Wikipedia

During the 25-year history of American girl dolls, there have been special, limited edition dolls. The 2011 girl of the year is 10-year old Kanani. She will only be available for one year. Kanani is a girl from Hawaii who embodies and loves to share the spirit of aloha. Stories of Kanani’s life tell of her rescuing a baby monk seal, spending time with family, and her cousin visiting. She lives on Kauai, also known as the Garden Isle, because it is so lush, green and beautiful. If you purchase the special stuffed monk seal, $1 of each sale will be donated (up to a maximum of $100,000) to the National Wildlife Federation. There is also a non-fiction advice book to help teach girls how to help others, at home, in the community and the entire planet.

Once you have gotten your 2011 doll, you will want special American girl doll clothes to complete her wardrobe. Don’t forget shoes and accessories to complete the outfits.

Hawaii is a magical place your daughter can visit any time with Kanani. This is the perfect doll as a remembrance of a Hawaiian vacation or in preparation for a trip to the islands. Maybe you live in somewhere there are no beaches and your daughter wants to explore the tropical paradise in her imagination. Together, your daughter and Kanani can share adventures and learn to help others and create a positive effect on everyone around them. Help your daughter grow as a person by sharing this limited-edition doll with her and the spirit of aloha she brings with her.

Filed Under: Child Development, Discipline Tagged With: American Girl, Doll, Garden Isle

Punishment and Promises: Discipline

Image by fionnaigh via Flickr

It was meant to be an empty gesture: a punishment was promised, its consequences severe. You assumed it would be enough to maintain good behavior, to keep your child from disobeying the rules he so despised. No discipline would be required. Of this you were certain.

That certainty has shattered, however — because your son has defied you yet again, has refused to heed the warnings you have given. And you now find yourself in the lamentable position of choosing to ignore your threat or make it a reality.

That choice is already cemented, though: you must offer the punishment and accept the tears that will follow.

Too often do parents think that hinting dire consequences will be enough to dissuade their children. And too often do those same parents realize that youths aren’t impressed by words. Actions are instead required — and this can prove to be difficult. Maintaining the promised punishments is more than many individuals may wish to do. They prefer to offer kisses, not scolds. It must be understood, however, that discipline only works when it’s enforced. No lessons are otherwise learned.

It’s essential therefore that all parents — including you — make every penalty real. This is the only way children will gain the necessary comprehension of cause and effect. Choosing to only mere warnings won’t gain results. Instead sons and daughters will assume that there are no limits for their behavior. They will then simply push at every rule.

And this will be disastrous.

You must be willing therefore to do what is needed… even as it may summon tantrums, shrieks and pleading.

Filed Under: Child Development Tagged With: Corporal punishment, Parent, Punishment

Avoiding Anger: Discipline Advice

A scream was all too easy. It burst out of you, the sound cobbled together from the many stresses of the day. All of the little frustrations had gathered in your throat and they had to spill out. They simply required a catalyst.

Your child provided one.

He had disobeyed the rules (again). He had refused to do as you instructed. And the result was your anger, the sudden break of all patience. You unleashed a furious tirade, channeling the displeasure of your career, your finances and more into one single shout. It felt good… until you realized the aftermath was your son’s shock.

Discipline is essential within families. There must be consequences for actions; there must be punishments for crimes (however meager). This is necessary to establish morals and ensure that children learn the difference between right and wrong.

Choosing to discipline youths while you are angry, however, is as counter-productive as it is cruel.

The intention of enforcing rules is to make distinctions between good behavior and bad decisions. All causes have effects — and this must be taught to children. When you are upset, however, you lose the ability to offer logic. You instead become emotional, offering shrieks instead of reasons. This does not work. Instead it only frightens adolescents. They assume that they are the source of all problems and will then suffer from broken egos.

It’s imperative therefore that you tailor discipline to sense. All conversations should be calm and eloquent, offering explanations rather than screams. This will allow children to understand the reasons for your displeasure instead of believing that they’ve somehow become the origins of every single concern.

Filed Under: Child Development, Discipline Tagged With: Behavior, Child, Parent