A scream was all too easy. It burst out of you, the sound cobbled together from the many stresses of the day. All of the little frustrations had gathered in your throat and they had to spill out. They simply required a catalyst.

Your child provided one.

He had disobeyed the rules (again). He had refused to do as you instructed. And the result was your anger, the sudden break of all patience. You unleashed a furious tirade, channeling the displeasure of your career, your finances and more into one single shout. It felt good… until you realized the aftermath was your son’s shock.

Discipline is essential within families. There must be consequences for actions; there must be punishments for crimes (however meager). This is necessary to establish morals and ensure that children learn the difference between right and wrong.

Choosing to discipline youths while you are angry, however, is as counter-productive as it is cruel.

The intention of enforcing rules is to make distinctions between good behavior and bad decisions. All causes have effects — and this must be taught to children. When you are upset, however, you lose the ability to offer logic. You instead become emotional, offering shrieks instead of reasons. This does not work. Instead it only frightens adolescents. They assume that they are the source of all problems and will then suffer from broken egos.

It’s imperative therefore that you tailor discipline to sense. All conversations should be calm and eloquent, offering explanations rather than screams. This will allow children to understand the reasons for your displeasure instead of believing that they’ve somehow become the origins of every single concern.